A Lament (Psalm 48)

I am depressed, O God.

I see no end to this cycle of sadness.

People tell me: “Everything will be all right,”

but it isn’t and it won’t be.

The quote Paul to me:

“All things work together for good for those who love God.”

Don’t I love you?

Wasn’t I brought up in your holy house,

O God?

Didn’t I remember your words and sing hymns to you?

Don’t I bow down to you?

Isn’t that what I’m doing now?

No one can tell me any good can come from this moment!

Let them have their say if it makes them feel better!

But I don’t want to hear it!

I know what I’ve been through.

I know that it is to have death walk the halls of my home.

What has happened cannot be prettied up.

But you, O God, can stop the aftershocks.

O God, tear through the night

to rescue the one you have left too long.

Help me, O Holy God,

out of this tomb of pain.

 

–Ann Weems

Struggling to Discern God’s Will

Our lives are often guided by the questions we ask. Great inventors are driven by the impulse to build a better world. Explorers ask what lies beyond the edges of their map. Great philosophers question and question until they find a satisfactory answer. The curiosity of children leads them to wonder “why?” without end.

A question that has dominated my own life is, “How do I know what God’s will is?”

I’ve asked this question—in varying forms—to well over 100 different people now, including parents, teachers, pastors, professors, friends, and others. Most of the time, people do their best to answer in some form. “Search the Scriptures” said one person; “God’s will is whatever you want it to be,” said another. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that other people’s answers to this question won’t satisfy my wrestling. This is a question that I must reckon with myself. Continue reading